The streets of the Tender-Nob tonight are swarmed with tourists, late night groceries shoppers, and the general crazy that makes up what is San Francisco. Taking a break from my homework take a few minutes to look out the window and people watch out the window from the Mezzanine Floor of the City Center Hostel on the corner of Ellis and Larkin. I wonder about the lives of those who are passing on the streets. How long have they been here? Are they on a European Holiday? What do they do to make it in this City? I wonder about their story in order to escape mine at the moment but realize that if I don't recap my story these past three weeks in some sort of medium I might just snap and become apart of the population that makes up the homeless/crazy demographic (No joke, I'm starting to contemplate the correlation of these variables in this city considering that housing is the worst it has been according to locals).
I moved up here three weeks ago. The deposit to my apartment was made months ago. I move up only to find out that I can't move in because we are still waiting for the Certificate of Occupancy. The owner of the apartment says he will pick it up when it ready. Time passes, no word. A relative of my subletting landlord goes by the apartment to check on it to find that someone has freshly moved in. Three weeks have passed since I've moved up here. All I know as of now is that owner of the apartment (a women-the executor of her parents estate) was flying from Hawaii to San Francisco to fix her brother's (the guy my landlord and I have been dealing with) legal mistake. No word since last week on what's going on. In the meantime, I'm living out of my bag from Oakland to Pittsburg, from the Downtown Hostel to the Inner Richmond District, and now here.
This weekend I will head back to Pittsburg to stay with my friends Kat and Andrew (Bakersfield friends from the good ol' Grace Episcopal days). Then after that? I have no fucking clue.
I had major study plans today in the morning and this evening, but when I woke up I couldn't bring myself get it together. I traversed up Larkin to Grace Cathedral where I lit a unde the giant Spanish crucifix, and just let God have it (mind you, not that God needed to be reminded of my plight, but more for my own spiritual/mental health). I made observation that despite these three weeks I still have this slight hope inside and I'm losing at holding on to it. I lost it. I cried. I picked myself up. Walked the labrynth, attended Noon Eucharist, then made my way back to get ready for class.
I finished my English assignments, I can't bring myself to finish my Prep/Stats homework. Luckily, its actually due tomorrow at Midnight.
Last year my joke I was telling everyone something along the lines of, If I can make it Europe for a month on $1000 then moving and living in San Francisco should be a easy as Pachbel's Cannon. Little did I know that my backpacking skills would actually come in handy. Living out of a bag, being resourceful with food money, and doing my best to evaluate the smartness of where I'm staying. The obvious difference being I was going home at some point. I am home now. Well, "home."
Don't get me wrong. On the flip side of things I love this city. I love that there is music almost everywhere I go. The top of every hill is a vantage point (I'm pretty sure I can see Berkley from the College). And, well...I can tell when I'm getting checked out. Rephrase. I'm getting checked out, period (no, really, its never happened before). I love my classes, instructors, material, and that we are talking about thingswhich faculty at Bakersfield College would have never discussed in class. I love how the churches up here offer so much in ministry and variety in worship. I am home. I just wish I were settled.
This weekend I plan on doing some major catch up in my classes. The plan is to solidify what I've learned and get at least two class meetings ahead in readings and assignments. Getting ahead is the name of the game because at this point I've got to start thinking about being proactive about what I'm actually going to do in the meantime. I need to look into the probability transfering my Edwards job up here, or see if my old boss can take me on in her store in San Leandro. I need to see if I can borrow a grand or so and see if that can get me by in housing for a month until my student loans are approved. In theory, you would think I would know whats going on with this apartment a month from now and can plan from there. I just need to get a plan rolling and find a place to temporarily (longer than my usual 5 days per place so far...) get settled.
I've always said that I believed that while God's presence is always fully present in our lives, God's presence is most felt when we are at our most vulnerable. I affirmed this Europe, and I'm doing my best to affirm it now. I'm not going to lie, I've felt like my prayers have been going straight to voice mail on this. I guess my other task this weekend is to try and find how to hold on to that small sliver of hope that I have.
I'm homeless, I've been accosted by a crazy man. Now, all I need is for my bike to get stollen and I think I can pass as a true local.