My westernized retake on "Zen and the art of motorcycle mantinance"

Be still, and know that I am God
Be still, and know...
Be still...
Be.
In this long and trecherous road of life we drive on, sometime it feels like we were given an outdated handbook from the DMV or from Canada. We just look at the signs and think wtf. Yet we drive continue to drive on because it's the only thing we know. Our car (with the expetion of nessesary, or sometimes fatal offf roading) is attacted to the road. And so are we attached to life. We cling to it, we strive to fix it because it is the only thing we have on which we depend on. If life is good, we are happy. If life isn't so good, well..you know. Sometimes we just run out of gas and pull off to the side of the road for help, or wait till the engine has cooled off. Reguardless of where we are or what happens, the road a head isn't changing. Sometimes yes, the road is bumpy, curvey, full of pot holes. The only practical thing to do is keep your vehicle maintained.
Lately, with the stress of work, playing a lot places and getting over a break up. I've been blaming the road. Wondering, trying to see what I can do to make the road easier, more flexible. Sure, I've found a couple of pit stops along the way which helped momentarily. But for the most part. I've been under maitained.
I've been doing a lot of reading lately. I've read a couple of self help books thinking maybe this has the answer, or this will solve my problems. But I've realized they have only given me parts to the answer, and the proper tools to keep maintained.
God and I havn't been at odds at eachother last month, but we havn't exactly had a Mother Theresa relationship either. I've cried for help, for answers. And the cosmos just seems to keep still and quiet. Frustrating. It's taken a month for me to realize that that battery source that I'm trying to charge and plug into also requires using the battery on the inside. I truely believe that there is divine spark in everyone. Not that we are God's, but God is deep within us. Jesus said, "the kingdom of God is within you".
That being said. I haven't until now actually started to act on this. But I know that getting the relationship back, doing great in my job, being the best damn cellist in bakersfield or anything else will bring me true satisfaction. It's not that God won't support or bless these things, I just have to look at the underlying factor that is missing in all of them. If I can't be myself and try to reach things to try and get God's attention, then I won't get anyway. Rather, the more practical and self disicpling thing to do is be still, and know that he God, he is within me giving me the same life which he uses to control the cosmos outside of me.
In reflecting on all this, I've given myself goals to be completed by fall of this year: looses at least 20 pounds, save at least $700, be on a normal sleep pattern (I look at the clock, is 3:20am), devoutfully pray twice a day, and keep my room clean. And anyone can please keep me in check on all this!
My plans so far are to be back at BC this fall. However, I am considering an internship in Sacramento with the Episcopal Church for about two months. I'd be helping out at a homeless shelter which provides for 60 people for 30 days, planning events, and helping out the administrative people. I should know in a few months.
In other news. I've realized I should probably have my paycheck made out to Chevron with the prices of gas right now...